Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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