I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You ate ashes out of my bong
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
