I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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