My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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