I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
