how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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