i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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