Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
