you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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