is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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