My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize