Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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