i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
