morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize