ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
