Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
