It's like God shit irony all over that family
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
