I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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