Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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