Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
