booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
