Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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