I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
