I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
