what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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