imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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