2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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