I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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