I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
