I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
