been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
