the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am available for nakedness
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