Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
