I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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