its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
