So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
