I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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