Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
