maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
