You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
