Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
how drunk are you?
Several
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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