just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
