Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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