So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
