hotel room ftw
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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