I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
