So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
