if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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