Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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