The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
