Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
