when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
