it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
