so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
