I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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