Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
