Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
