My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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