cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize