Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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