WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize