Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
