There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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