my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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