i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
