She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
