I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
