i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
