I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize