They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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