I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
