apparently the secret to your success is patron
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
