Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize