im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
